DoucheIt’s not everyday I actually get to write about something I want to discuss. Most of my writing consists of work – whether for clients or my business, it’s still work. Every once in a while, though, you have moments in between the 9 to 5 when you’re compelled, no, forced to purge and rant. You want to scream in horror, to shout from every mountaintop. Why not to you, dear readers? Grab a beer or a glass of wine and settle in.

Now, I’ve been told (and believe for the most part), that you should never post anything negative about someone. It’s bad for business; it’s unprofessional. It could be professional suicide. Therefore, I’m going to turn what may sound like a negative rant into something we can all learn from – especially moi.

Fame does weird things to people, whether they’re politicians, rock stars, movie stars or Internet stars. I don’t know this personally (I’m not famous), but I can share what it’s like from the perspective of one who knows a famous person. I can only imagine how the change happens when you wake up one morning and your life is completely different. I’ve seen it happen time and again, even in my lil’ old life.

Let me tell you about someone I know. When I first met her she was just a normal person, funny as all get out, important to her friends and family, and has become so famous I dare not mention her name. This was over 30 years ago. She was a dear friend; I supported her any time I could. I’m so proud of her and I think she deserves all the success she’s received. She’s a true super star…. But I cannot seem to re-connect with her.

In her defense (Super Star) and mine, (Not a Super Star) I left the country and lost touch. When I came back, however, I wasn’t able to connect with her. I sent letters the first couple of years, recently tried emails and I think I tried once on Twitter. After trying to contact her, I finally understand we’ll probably never talk again… And that’s okay but she gets being in social media. If nothing else, you can imagine how many people I’d have to get through to see her again. I regress.

Now, let’s take this to where it belongs: Twitter. Twitter, the golden child, the most amazing social networking site ever created in the 21st century, is well on its way to becoming a household name. Think about it; the future of micro-blogging, texting sexting, tweeting ad nauseam is all about making rock stars out of you and me.

I was to discuss the Twitter Marketing gurus online: how my love, admiration and respect falls a degree lower with almost every post I read. You know the ones; they’re well respected, followed by many (including me), RT’d by thousands. Who knows, you may have moments like this, too.

Now, in order to “make it”, everyone know you either

a) get an awesome viral video to shoot into the Twittersphere or

b) you build your following with smart strategies that work for your niche. Either way, the posts should be mainly focused on your followers. Even the gurus say this!

However, for the past six months or more, I’ve noticed a definite change in the strategies of some of my favorite Twitter rock stars. Either they’re so self consumed they don’t care, or they think they’re still connected and they aren’t. I don’t know them personally, so I’m not sure which.

Self-proclaimed boasting – “me me me.. mememe” – is coming out of some of my most favorite people to follow. It sounds like they’re warming up for a vocal concert. To be honest, some have become pompous asswipes. What a shame; I liked these people. It’s almost sickening to watch them self promote day in and day out. “Enough about me, what do you think about me?” All they’re really doing is… well, jerking themselves off for the world to see.

Self-proclaiming tweeters, catch a clue. I can understand getting touched by the Twitter gods into rethinking the way you position yourself. However, if you were an ass before you got on Twitter, guess what – you’re still an ass. Twitter doesn’t make you different from what you were.

What it does is give you the ability to connect in 140 characters. When you first came on, you actually spoke to people, not because you had a deal with them or were promoting your product, but because you actually cared. Now you’re a big star and guess what? The person you really are shows and it ain’t purty.

Maybe you can set up one day a week to stay connected. If you must use automated responses, at least send something like, “I’d love to answer your question, but I’m only available on Tuesday. Please join me here [link].” Then, on Tuesday, you could spend a couple of hours taking to your fans via webinar or something. As, a matter of fact this “famous” x-friend I know does something very similar but it’s on TV. She connects with her fans.

What I’ve seen coming from your feed has been horrible. You sound like a freaking spam bot. Every time I think you might have put out a great link to follow, I find out you’re associated with the person and want me to spend money. Shame on you, self-proclaiming tweeters. Without your followers, you’re nothing.

Respond to emails, will you? Oh, here’s a thought: respond to tweets! Do something besides “memememe”.

Here’s my promise to the world. If I ever become famous, I promise to answer my emails. I promise not to have someone else use my Twitter account. I promise only to promote things I truly believe in, and I promise not to disconnect… what are your promises?